The Religious Component of Psychosis

A common delusion among people with schizophrenia is that they have somehow been ordained by God to carry a message or to do something important.

They believe they are either prophets, angels or God himself.

In this thinking they are subsumed with the idea that they have been chosen for a higher purpose and have been given these visions and voices to lead them on a path of righteousness.

Many times they will focus on religious messages, scripture or iconography as a means to find direction for their ‘mission”.

I am no stranger to this set of beliefs.

In 2006 I took an impromptu trip to the United Nations believing I was a prophet and was meant to share a message of peace and balance with the world.

I had become increasingly involved with angelic and religious lore spending hours on the internet searching out information on angel numbers, mysticism, biblical conspiracies and aliens in religious symbolism.

I believed that information was being hidden from the world and that all of these things I was learning about were deeply connected in some way, and that if I could find a universal truth I could share it with the world.

I don’t know why religion seems to correspond so well with delusions and paranoia, but this phenomenon is well documented throughout history with the existence of witch doctors, oracles and other special “chosen ones” who were believed to have had a direct line to the gods within their belief structure.

I don’t know if there’s any truth to those beliefs but I do know that in lieu of suffering with hallucinations and the voices in my head, I would rather take my meds and be as stable as I can be.

I would rather be as grounded in the reality we’ve all agreed on as I possibly can.

I think the elusive nature of religion, that is, being wholly unsure if what we believe is actually real (not knowing if god, or heaven, or hell is real) leaves a lot of fertile ground for us to place our own singular (sometimes wildly misinformed) beliefs on and around.

Religion is open to a lot of misguided interpretation because no one can truly be sure that our beliefs are real.

That lends itself nicely to psychosis and I think it’s why religious concepts are so prevalent in psychosis.

The fact is, we all want to believe in something, we all want to wrap the mysteries of the universe up in some pretty little box and make them easily digestible, because frankly, the immensity of it is incredibly frightening and overwhelming.

None of us truly knows what’s real in this universe and we’re lying to ourselves if we say we do.

Dealing with Psychotic Connections

There’s a funny thing that happens when you’re psychotic, everything seems to matter to an enormous degree. This includes things like errant words you see, nuances of people’s speech and body language, movements people make, lyrics in songs, random numbers you see, titles of books and even things commercials say on tv.

Being hyper-aware, everything has significance of some kind.

In the midst of all this you start to realize that a lot of the stuff you see relates to a lot of the other things you’ve experienced. Could they be connected?

Pretty soon you’ve accepted these coincidences and start to see them in everything, further you start to look for them, sometimes to the detriment of common sense.

These connections eventually start to affirm your delusions and it goes deeper and deeper until you’ve completely lost touch with reality.

This process occurred in a big way for me when I first started experiencing psychosis. Everything I saw was some message or indication urging me to follow it, making most of my decisions for me and leading me into a pretty delusional state.

These connections, as they’ve been referred to, are a common experience for people undergoing psychosis.

Sometimes, they take on the character of something larger, esoteric and divine in your mind. They are essentially your conduit to speaking with God, The Universe, The Aliens or whatever particular higher energy you ascribe to. As such, they take on a strong significance that’s very hard to ignore.

This is part of how I came to the conclusion that I was a prophet meant to bring peace to the world.

Of course these connections are and were not real and I had essentially just fallen into psychosis.

The point of all this is to, first, make people aware that the psychosis people with schizophrenia experience, though not real to the general population, is very real and very significant to those dealing with it.

Second, it’s crucial to realize that this psychosis can give people a sense of being important, powerful and in control in a world where they seem to be entirely overlooked and rejected. That’s why it’s so hard to dismantle.

Imagine living life as you would normally, with all your beliefs and behaviors and your collected knowledge about the world and then one day a doctor comes and tells you that all that stuff is wrong, that you’re imagining everything and that you’re insane, further you have to take these pills everyday for the rest of your life in order to fit in with correct society or they will put you in the hospital.

What would you do?

That’s the experience for people with psychosis and realizing that I think is a major step in caring for those people.

It can be a hard thing to deal with but if you’re a caretaker or a parent, take it easy and take it slow on your loved one.

Getting back to stability requires an entire paradigm shift and an entire reframing of what the world really is and how it works.

These connections are just the start of things that need to be addressed and as a person with schizophrenia, they can be hard to let go of.

There are also a whole host of other facets of the illness that need to be dealt with but connections are a start.

Patience is key and it’s ok to get overwhelmed whether you are patient or a caregiver.

Trust that everything is going to be ok and it will eventually work out.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and though it will take time, you can get there.

Am I Actually Talking to God?

I’ve discussed the voice in my head here before. It’s the one that seems to always have the right advice, knows what to do, and reassures me when I need it but I’ve always been unclear on where the voice comes from.

In esoteric circles, people talk about connecting with your higher self. As though there’s a part of you that’s on a higher vibrational frequency than your everyday self, the one that you know as you who interacts with the world and carries on in your everyday business.

This higher self is likened to the idea of a type of god, but that god is within you and is you.

Essentially the idea of god is you connecting with the universe on a higher vibration than what you’re feeling as a normal everyday person.

Alternatively, the voice could be the voice of God himself in the christian sense, and I have been chosen to be able to speak with him personally but, to be real, that feels a little too delusional for me and I’m not entirely comfortable with being a conduit to the almighty.

Further still, this voice could be nothing more than my conscience, if that’s something that has been proven to exist.

All I really know for sure is that if I’m wondering about something or if I ask myself a question there’s always an answer that pops up from somewhere in my head, and for some reason, it seems to be much wiser than me.

I’m hesitant to say that it came about with the onset of my illness but I know that I was never that concerned and cogent about what I was doing in high school.

Perhaps it’s a facet of being hyperaware of every tiny thing that’s happening thanks to my paranoia and I am only noticing the voice because I’m very focused on listening to myself now.

Regardless, this dialogue occurs in my head everyday when I’m wondering about something or thinking about a correct course of action for something in my life.

The “Higher Self” explanation seems to fit the best for it but I’m not sure I can ever know, for certain, where this voice comes from.

Another explanation for it, I’ve derived from the third man factor, a mysterious phenomena that’s been reported throughout history where an unseen presence, such as a spirit, provides comfort or support during traumatic experiences. The first common report was by Sir Ernest Shackleton in his 1919 book ‘South’ that detailed his harrowing journey exploring Antarctica where he described the feeling of an incorporeal companion that joined him and his men on the journey ensuring their survival.

Maybe the voice is my incorporeal companion.

Overall though, I don’t know where it comes from, I’m just happy to have it along for the ride.

It has saved me from making innumerable mistakes and it always seems to know the best course of action for what’s happening in my life.

At this point, I’m not concerned with whether talking about this voice will make me sound crazy because, with my diagnosis, I’m already certifiably insane.

Suffice it to say, I’m happy the voice is there, and I’ll listen to it for as long as it points me in the right direction.

The Mysterious Voice in Your Head

I don’t want to call it God, because I don’t know if that’s true. I’m also hesitant to think it’s me because it feels, somehow, removed.

In efforts to classify the voice I’ve just come to calling it “The Voice of Reason”.

I don’t know if everyone has this voice, but it’s the one that answers when you ask a question into the deep dark recesses of your mind.

Strangely enough, that voice was never there before my breakdown. Either that or I didn’t need it I can’t remember entirely. Suffice it to say that that voice has been a guidepost for me, a map or even a sage when I’ve needed it. It seems to always know the right course of action or the right advice to give me when I’m confused or lost.

I’ve asked it many times if it was God or if it was just me and that’s the one question where it’s never given me a straight answer, it just kind of says, “I don’t know”, or “I’m whatever you want me to be.”

Honestly it’s probably nothing more than my conscience.

I don’t know if everyone has the voice but it’s essentially the angel on your shoulder. It’s small, and quiet and mostly keeps to itself unless you ask it a question. But it is also quick to interject when you’re making a dumb move.

You can choose to ignore it but, in my experience, it’s always had the right answer. It’s always seemed to have known what to do when I didn’t and for that reason I’ve come to trust it inherently.

Sometimes it even speaks up when you didn’t ask it to, putting a word or a phrase in your head that immediately provides a sense of comfort and calm.

Again, I don’t want to say it’s God but in moments like those it’s pretty hard not to think it is.

As I’m writing this I realize that the reader may have no idea what I’m talking about whatsoever, and may be saying to themselves, “This is pretty clearly a rambling schizophrenic diatribe.” and that may well be true. Regardless, I take comfort in knowing that this voice is there, sitting quietly in my head with the right advice at the right time, seemingly never having missed.

It could be a function of my mental illness (hearing voices) but it’s not malevolent and it seems to only want the best for me, as I do of myself.

I don’t have to know if it’s God, or an angel, or my mental illness or just simply myself, but I know that I’m grateful to have it.